January 31, 2022

Good news for Oceania, Eurasia, and Eastasia, comrades!


Editor’s note: Ms. Missouri, TLD’s Economic Correspondent, is back and just in time as the Pelosite wing of the Sandernistas, unabashed by their success with the Build Back America Better fiasco, have come up with yet another scheme that is like a kidney punch to ordinary Americans and entrepreneurs. Ms. Missouri had thought her two weeks at the Betty Ford Center time well-spent, but this kind of stuff may require a longer-term residence there, with occasional field trips to the electrotherapy clinic.

YOU THOUGHT THE MADNESS was over? You thought our unspeakable House of Representatives would rest on their laurels? Guess again. As if they didn’t have their hands full with investigating the January 6 Revolution / Insurrection / Coup / Deadly Riot / Uprising / Putsch / Rebellion, the House Dumbocrats are at it again. Yes, for some reason, they think what the United States needs to become competitive again is legislation, in this case the America COMPETES Act of 2022, a nearly 3,000 page bill with (SPOILER ALERT!) truly revolutionary implications that they unveiled on January 25, 2022.

Doubling down? How about tripling down? Given that the act is a garbage dump of every bad idea promised by every Dumbocrat congressional, senatorial, and national candidate in the 2020 campaign (and more), it is likely that they spent more time coming up with the title of this nonsense. Ready for this? Are you seated? The full name of the monstrosity is “The America Creating Opportunities for Manufacturing Pre-Eminence in Technology and Economic Strength (America COMPETES) Act of 2022.” You can see the full text of HR 4521 here. One is left breathless at the chutzpah of it all.

Here’s how Reason Magazine on-line summarizes: “ ... like anything Democrats do these days, the bill can’t simply address one main issue or a few critical needs. Instead, it tries to insert the government into every aspect of all sorts of industries and markets and pretend that bureaucrats can solve complex social and cultural issues.... [T]his bill addresses everything from ‘combating sexual harassment in science’ to seeing that more science grants go to people with caregiving responsibilities; retention and advancement of women and minorities in science and tech careers; subverting censorship in China; and supporting collective bargaining agreements and union organizing efforts ... Chinese fentanyl production, e-commerce platform liability, misinformation in foreign media, global wildlife trafficking, legal conventions in Pacific Island nations, Arctic mammal rescue capabilities, coral research, and the origins of the COVID-19 virus. It bans shark fin sales, driftnet fishing in the U.S. Exclusive Economic Zone, and the transportation of certain wildlife across state lines. It offers money for establishing a fund for Chinese language studies, climate change initiatives, solar power, spreading U.S. propaganda overseas, and promoting the consumption of certain types of seafood.”

The Reason list goes on and on, but you get the idea. My favorite provision of the bill is the inclusion of “$20 million per year through FY 2026 ... to combat human trafficking through seafood import monitoring and strengthening international fisheries management.” Who knew that Big Fishery was behind human trafficking?

Gasping for oxygen over the hideousness of it all, I would like to propose another of TLD’s wacky contests. Yes, friends, the news got ya down? Do you routinely start the day by tearing out what’s left of your hair and wrapping your head in duct tape? Do you want to gouge your eyes out on a daily basis? When you hear mentions of the execrable Pelosi, Schiff, AOC, Schumer, Sanders, and that lot, do your hands shake uncontrollably? Well, win this contest and you can accompany me, Edna St. Louis Missouri, on my next visit to the Betty Ford Center.

Here’s the scoop. A summary of the America COMPETES bill is 20 pages, a section by section summary is 109 pages, and the complete HR clocks in at 2,912 pages. The competition is to guess which version of the bill will likely be read by our semi-literate representatives. The choices are:

the 20-page summary
the 109-page summary
the 2,912-page actual bill
Once each representative tells EMM which he/she/it/x/@ read, we will compile the information, let you know which turned out to be the most popular alternative, and award prizes. In case of ties, we will follow National Football League rules. Decisions of the Commissioner of the National Football League will be final, unless he or she changes his or her mind. Send all entries to “Your Guess is as Good as Mine,” c/o General Delivery, Roanoke IN. Ω

January 31, 2022

Published in 2022 by WTM Enterprises.

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