DOUGLAS OLSON — Freak show #12


Freak show #12



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Idiot of the Month

Crying "Jesus will save you," a 46-year-old man jumped into the lions' den at the Taipei Zoo earlier this month and attempted to convert the beasts to Christianity. He also reportedly said, "Come bite me," as one of the males ripped off the man's jacket and sank his teeth into the fool's leg. To the everlasting detriment of the Taiwanese gene pool, zoo workers drove off the animals, which had already been fed, with water hoses and dart guns.

Our marine brethren

The Ninth Circus [sic] Court of Appeals issued a 17-page opinion in October, analyzing the legal right of animals (whales, porpoises, and dolphins in this case) to sue the government. Reluctantly, the court concluded that they have no such right: "If Congress and the President intended to take the extraordinary step of authorizing animals as well as people and legal entities to sue[,] they could and should have said so plainly," wrote Judge William A. Fletcher for the court. Masochists can read the entire opinion by checking out The Cetacean Community v. George W. Bush, et al., at

Big Brother at OPM

The federal Office of Personnel Management is probing the background of some employees, who, it says, were "placed into jobs without having undergone a coordinated suitability review or reinvestigation process." Individual employees — we refuse to call bureaucrats "workers" — on the job for 20 years or more are now being harassed for their fingerprints (which all federal employees are supposed to give at hiring), subjected to credit checks, and grilled about divorces, altercations with the law, overseas travel, and other non-work-related aspects of their lives. When items that "could be called derogatory" turn up, OPM says, the employees will be allowed to respond and "put the information in context." Mighty white of them!

Americans are getting smarter ...

A September Gallup poll found Americans' faith in the press at its lowest point in at least 30 years. Just 9 percent of respondents had a "great deal" of confidence that news was being fully, accurately, and fairly reported by broadcast and print media. Thirty-five percent claimed "a fair amount" of trust, 39 percent had "little" confidence, and 16 percent — the smartest of the lot — had "none at all."

... As the media get ever more dishonest

As evidence to support the previous item, we recommend an article in the September 2004 issue of Imprimis, "Media Bias against Guns" by John Lott, Jr., which is available at In this piece, Lott recounts media coverage of the 2002 shooting at Appalachian Law School in Virginia by an African immigrant, which left three dead. Out of 218 stories printed in the following week, only four mentioned that two other students got guns from their cars and used them — without firing a shot — to stop the rampage. The Washington Post said students "pounced on the gunman and held him," while Newsday claimed that he was "restrained by students." Confronted by Lott, the Post asserted that the pro-gun omission was not "intentional," but had been dictated by "space constraints."

The cost of free speech

A University of New Hampshire freshman was evicted from his dormitory and banned from all campus housing for joking about overweight women. In October, Timothy Garneau posted fliers warning that "9 out of 10 freshman girls gain 10-15 pounds. But there is something you can do about it. If u live below the 6th floor take the stairs. Not only will u feel better about yourself but you will also be saving us time and wont be so sore on the eyes." [sic] Garneau spent nearly two weeks living in his automobile before UNH relented and allowed him to move into a different dorm.

Enriching our culture

Remember Tawana Brawley, the young New York Negress whose claim of rape by a gang of prominent white men set the nation on fire in the late '80s — and was later proven to be a total hoax? It's working in reverse now, as we see in the case of a North Carolina white woman who dared complain of being brutally raped for hours by seven Hispanic men. The Latino Connection, an "activist" group, is raising hell solely because of the race and alleged "good reputations" of the accused — although they are all in the United States illegally (what a surprise!). The group is suggesting that the victim may have "contributed to the events," according to the local paper. The rumor is also being floated that she might be a prostitute, although authorities say none of the men mentioned either of those excuses when they were first questioned. There's plenty of evidence of forcible sex, say the police, and the woman was bruised so badly that she could not walk for days.

It isn't the hate — it's the victimhood

The Georgia Supreme Court has voided that state's "hate crime" law as "unconstitutionally vague" because it enhanced prison sentences when perpetrators acted "because of bias or prejudice" — but failed to designate "protected classes" of victims. Ironically, the favored classes were stripped out of the final bill because many lawmakers did not want to to go on record as voting to include homosexuals. So now we know — heterosexual white males are the problem (aren't they always?). "Protecting" every group but straight white males is perfectly fine, but if they are included, the result is unconstitutional. Ain't equality fun!

November 20, 2004

© 2004 Douglas Olson. All rights reserved.
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