Freak show #21


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Stalin innocent; Hitler still guilty

After years of research, the Russian Military Prosecutor General has declared that Josef Stalin was not responsible for the notorious massacre of more than 20,000 Polish military officers at Katyn in 1940. Because USSR archives contain no documents on the "legal basis" for the massacre, explain the Russians, it cannot be blamed on Uncle Joe.

By contrast, historian David Irving — now jailed in Austria for speech crimes — offered a £1,000 reward in 1979 for evidence that Adolf Hitler personally ordered the murder of any Jews. No such document has ever been found, but the Führer remains condemned by the world as the perpetrator of the alleged "central event of human history."

And Irving sits in jail today for questioning that equally unproven allegation.

Land of the Free, Home of the Knave

New Jersey State Assemblyman Peter Biondi (R-Somerset County) has introduced legislation to outlaw anonymous speech on the Internet. His bill would require the legal name and address of the author to accompany any posting on any "public forum Web site." This First Amendment emasculation was prompted by an online discussion on the New Jersey Star-Ledger's Website of Somerset County Sheriff Frank Provenzano, who used more than $5,000 in public funds to pay for his dry-cleaning expenses. Biondi was outraged that no one could be persecuted for pseudonymous comments that Provenzano is a "thief, plain and simple," and "this is what we get for voting Republican." Biondi's legislation would bar "false" posts and allow anyone upset by the comments to recover punitive damages and (of course) attorney's fees. (Oh, how upset I would be about everything if this idiot bill ever became law!)

Let the punishment fit the crime

A Sudanese village "council of elders" has ordered a man caught flagrante delicto with a goat to pay a "dowry" of 15,000 dinars ($50) to the animal's owner. "They said I should not take him to the police," the owner told BBC News, "but rather let him pay a dowry for my goat because he used it as his wife."

They're back!

The National Organization for Women recently awakened from the coma that it entered on January 20, 1993, and called for the resignation of Penn State coach Joe Paterno when he cast doubt on a woman's claim that she was raped by a college football player. "When someone of his stature makes light of sexual assault, we have a serious problem," declared NOW president Joanne Tosti-Vasey. But it wasn't a problem at all for NOW when the President of the United States refused even to deny a credible accusation of rape brought by Juanita Broaddrick.

Doing what comes naturally

Former South African Deputy President Jacob Zuma, 63, called the "spiritual heir" of Saint Nelson Mandela, is on trial for raping a 31-year-old, HIV-positive woman who regarded him as a longtime family friend. And she says he didn't use a condom. While Zuma admits having sex with her, he claims it was consensual. Three judges recused themselves, citing conflicts of interest — including one who admits that his sister had a child by Zuma decades ago. Zuma's supporters call the case a "political assassination" to derail his quest for the presidency, and shouted "burn the bitch" outside the courtroom. An estimated 450,000 rapes took place last year in that miserable nation of 45,000,000.

The blessings of freedom — African style

A recent AP report admitted that the number of South African households living in tin-and-cardboard shacks has increased from 1.45 million to 1.84 million — a 26 percent rise — since the evil and uncaring whites lost control of the government in 1994. This despite a state expenditure of $4.5 billion to build new homes. "We are sick and tired," wailed Beauty Nazo, a onetime African National Congress supporter, who says she was too disillusioned to vote this year. "They keep on promising heaven and earth during elections and disappear afterwards."

The root of all evil

One of two men robbing a woman at gunpoint in Ohio exclaimed, "This is all George W. Bush's fault. He screwed up the economy" and said they were doing it for "gas money for the car." A 29-year-old man who went over the White House fence in February told the officer who apprehended him: "George Bush told me to jump the fence, and I jumped the fence."

Some sanity left in U.K.

After an official investigation, a Liverpool soccer player will not be prosecuted on charges that he "racially abused" another player — charges brought not by the alleged "victim," but by two deaf busybodies who claim to have read racial epithets on the man's lips while they watched the match on television.

A poor bluffer

When the church's secretary was arrested last January, Prophet Ron Williams of the Miracle of Prayer Church in Grove Hill, Alabama, called upon congregation members to protest at the jail. He vowed that he was not going "no damn where" until the woman was released. When warned about the possibility of being arrested for inciting a riot, he pointed to his cell phone and screamed, "I got Johnnie Cochran on the phone right now!" At that time, Cochran had been dead for nearly a year.

I fooled the law

Christopher Flauding was 17 in 1979, when he invaded the home of an Indiana woman, robbed her, stabbed her as many as 30 times with a butcher knife, and stole her car. Because his attorneys convinced the court that he was "borderline mentally retarded" and had a "limited mind," he was spared the death penalty and given a 60-year sentence. But after only 27 years behind bars — during which this supposed "retard" earned a bachelor's degree in anthropology, with a 3.39 grade point average — Flauding will go free on July 30. "All of a sudden, he's a doggone brilliant person," commented a son of the victim. "It just doesn't make sense."

What about her "choice"?

According to local police, Negress Tammy Skinner of Suffolk, Virginia, shot herself in the stomach last month, on the day she was due to deliver her baby. She survived, but she has been charged with illegally inducing an abortion, using a firearm in the commission of a felony, and filing a false police report. This is outrageous! What happened to this woman's sacred "right to choose" death for her unborn child? If she had walked into a clinic and paid for a "partial birth abortion" of her 9-month-old fetus, everyone would have been happy; Planned Parenthood, NARAL, and the Democratic party would have stood up and cheered. Is the Commonwealth of Virginia so firmly in the pocket of the American Medical Association that it will prosecute someone for just trying to save a buck on doctors?

Bigotry triumphant

A new book for children, The Forbidden Schoolhouse by Suzanne Jurmain (Houghton Mifflin, 2005), recounts the tale of Prudence Crandall, a white woman who opened an "academy" for young Negro women in 1833. She didn't just face social ostracism; local elected officials tried to shut her down through political and legal means, while town residents pelted her windows with eggs and boycotted her enterprise, refusing to sell her food and other items. Eventually, a mob invasion resulted in closure of the school within a year of its inception. Fifty years after the fact, Crandall did get an "apology" from some of the town's citizens and compensation for a portion of her losses.

In what part of the evil, hateful South did this horror story take place? South Carolina? Mississippi? Try Canterbury, Connecticut, which a generation later must certainly have generated its share of arrogant abolitionists and rabid anti-Confederate warmongers.

March 28, 2006

© 2006 Douglas Olson. All rights reserved.
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