THE LAST DITCH -- Douglas Olson — FREAK SHOW #24


Freak show #24
A few of the biggest jackasses on the planet


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Defender of the absurd

It will certainly be a tragedy if Queen Elizabeth II doesn't outlive her demented, degenerate, deracinated son. According to a recent report, Prince Charles intends to someday be crowned king in a "multi-faith" ceremony — a Christian service in Westminster Abbey, followed by another rite which will include leaders of other religions: Jewish (of course!), Muslim, Hindu, Sikh, and more. This is intended to reflect changes in British society that have taken place since his mother's coronation in 1953 — all of which changes have been and will continue to be nothing but disastrous for the nation. Charles previously declared that he will refuse to assume the monarch's traditional title, "Defender of the Faith," but will declare himself merely a "Defender of Faith."

Newspeak on the Hill

Sixty-four members of Congress, led by Rep. Joe Baca (D-Calif.), are up in arms about a Department of Agriculture report on hunger in America, in which hungry people were euphemized, amusingly enough, as suffering from "very low food security." (All but one of the complainers has a "(D)" after his name.) Jim McGovern (D-Mass.), chairman of the Congressional Hunger Caucus, whined that such wordplay "makes it more difficult to get that political will and to get the action you need to deal with the issue."

The poor, oppressed taxpayer derives two bitter laughs here — one from the bureaucrats' jargoneering and another from the faux indignation of 64 jackasses from a Congress that sugar-coats tax increases as "revenue enhancement" and describes the humiliating abandonment of a previously endorsed war as "redeployment" of troops.

Generous to a fault

When a Mississippi State University professor asked the U.S. Department of Agriculture for some powdered milk to study as a protein substitute for catfish feed, the feds responded by "donating" $20 million worth to him — and even paid $579,000 to ship it. Needing only a tiny part of this mountain of milk for research, the prof gave the rest to a privately owned firm that used it to make catfish food — one hell of a windfall for the company. The fiasco was discovered only a year later, when USDA contacted the prof again and tried to give him millions more in milk at a token cost. An investigation then found there had been "no legal authority" to make this "donation." Of course, no one will be punished for it — except those who pay taxes.

Congress forces USDA to buy vast quantities of milk to artificially boost prices received by dairy farmers. The unwanted commodity is then turned into powdered milk and warehoused all around the nation, at a storage cost of more than $20 million a year.

Educational bigotry

After spending more than $140 for clothes, tickets, and incidentals, a 16-year-old Florida boy was barred from attending a homecoming dance at his date's school — because he is home-schooled. Youngsters who attended other schools were allowed in, but this boy was not — even though his father had gone so far as to provide the school with letters from local law enforcement agencies attesting to the lad's lack of a criminal record. The boy was threatened with arrest for trespass if he returned to the "public" property for which his parents pay taxes.

A Libertarian friend of the taxpayer

Steve Osborn, a Libertarian candidate for the U.S. Senate from Indiana in November, is demanding a recount in 10 precincts — even though he lost by more than a million votes statewide to eternal incumbent Richard Lugar (R). (In yet another glorious spasm of "democracy," the Democrats nominated no one.) Osborn, who has run unsuccessfully for Congress twice before, gave no explanation for his request, which he filed with the required $100 bond and $30 for postage costs. In 2004, the state spent about $100,000 to recount a congressional race.

Black humor

Liberal Democrat member of the British Parliament Bob Russell has been rightly denounced as a "sanctimonious twit" for accusing a British official of racism over the term "black economy" — a common description of what is known in America as the "underground economy." He pronounced himself "shocked" and moaned that the phrase "has racial overtones. Downing Street is thus politically incorrect to use this term." (American cultural Bolsheviks, wacky as they might be, would at least be embarrassed to use the phrase "politically incorrect" in anything but an ironic context.) Russell demanded "the more sensitively acceptable 'gray economy' or 'shadow economy.'" His jackassery was further exposed when it was noted that, only a month earlier, Russell's own party's annual conference had called for officials to campaign against the "black economy."

Hands outstretched as usual

An article in the Kenya Standard bemoans the failure of developed nations to pay the outrageous tax hidden in the Kyoto Protocol on the utterly unproven "crisis" of "climate change." According to the paper, the agreement binds civilized countries to "contribute" a percentage of their industrial proceeds to assist the savages in poor nations, "which bear the brunt of environmental change."

As we all know, the incredibly primitive and filthy habits of Third Worlders have nothing to do with their environmental problems, which are all caused by the white devils who so vastly improved the health and lengthened the life span of those countries' natives during their misguided and oppressive years as colonizers.

Speaking of pollution ...

The people of the feces

Thanks to government programs and subsidies for sanitary facilities, India's Development Minister predicts it will soon become rare to see his nation's people defecating in public. "Open defecation is slowly losing its popularity in rural India, and the government is doing all efforts to end this for all by 2012," declares Raghuvansh Prasad Singh. He cites the growth in the use of toilets from 22 percent in 2001 to 38 percent today as "an encouraging sign."

Mr. Singh's rosy forecast is cast into severe doubt by a friend who recently recounted his unwilling but necessary use of Air India for a journey from Europe to the United States. While the flight attendants were going through the normal seat-belt and oxygen-mask ritual, they also advised — he did not recount the exact language — that passengers should use the toilet, rather than the bathroom sink, to relieve their bowels. A few hours into the flight he discovered that the bizarre and seemingly unnecessary request had been ignored!

December 7, 2006

© 2006 Douglas Olson. All rights reserved.
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