Freak show #24
A few of the biggest jackasses on the planet
By DOUGLAS OLSON
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Defender of the absurd
It will certainly be a tragedy if Queen
Newspeak on the Hill
Sixty-four members of Congress, led by Rep. Joe Baca (D-Calif.), are up in arms about a Department of Agriculture report on hunger in America, in which hungry people were euphemized, amusingly enough, as suffering from "very low food security." (All but one of the complainers has a "(D)" after his name.) Jim McGovern (D-Mass.), chairman of the Congressional Hunger Caucus, whined that such wordplay "makes it more difficult to get that political will and to get the action you need to deal with the issue."
The poor, oppressed taxpayer derives two bitter laughs here one
from the bureaucrats' jargoneering and another from the faux indignation
of 64 jackasses from a Congress that sugar-coats tax increases as
"revenue enhancement" and describes the humiliating abandonment of a
previously endorsed war as "redeployment" of troops.
Generous to a fault
When a Mississippi State University professor asked the U.S. Department
of Agriculture for some powdered milk to study as a protein substitute for
catfish feed, the feds responded by "donating"
Congress forces USDA to buy vast quantities of milk to artificially boost
prices received by dairy farmers. The unwanted commodity is then turned
into powdered milk and warehoused all around the nation, at a storage
cost of more than
After spending more than $140 for clothes, tickets, and incidentals, a 16-year-old Florida boy was barred from attending a homecoming dance at his
date's school because he is home-schooled. Youngsters who
attended other schools were allowed in, but this boy was not even
though his father had gone so far as to provide the school with letters
from local law enforcement agencies attesting to the lad's lack of a
criminal record. The boy was threatened with arrest for trespass if he
returned to the "public" property for which his parents pay
A Libertarian friend of the taxpayer
Steve Osborn, a Libertarian candidate for the U.S. Senate from Indiana in
November, is demanding a recount in 10 precincts even though he
lost by more than a million votes statewide to eternal incumbent
Richard Lugar (R). (In yet another glorious spasm of "democracy," the
Democrats nominated no one.) Osborn, who has run unsuccessfully for
Congress twice before, gave no explanation for his request, which he filed
with the required $100 bond and $30 for postage costs. In 2004, the state
spent about $100,000 to recount a congressional race.
Liberal Democrat member of the British Parliament Bob Russell has been
rightly denounced as a "sanctimonious twit" for accusing a British official
of racism over the term "black economy" a common description of
what is known in America as the "underground economy." He pronounced
himself "shocked" and moaned that the phrase "has racial overtones.
Downing Street is thus politically incorrect to use this term." (American
cultural Bolsheviks, wacky as they might be, would at least be
embarrassed to use the phrase "politically incorrect" in anything but an
ironic context.) Russell demanded "the more sensitively acceptable 'gray
economy' or 'shadow economy.'" His jackassery was further exposed when
it was noted that, only a month earlier, Russell's own party's annual
conference had called for officials to campaign against the "black
Hands outstretched as usual
An article in the Kenya Standard bemoans the failure of developed nations to pay the outrageous tax hidden in the Kyoto Protocol on the utterly unproven "crisis" of "climate change." According to the paper, the agreement binds civilized countries to "contribute" a percentage of their industrial proceeds to assist the savages in poor nations, "which bear the brunt of environmental change."
As we all know, the incredibly primitive and filthy habits of Third Worlders have nothing to do with their environmental problems, which are all caused by the white devils who so vastly improved the health and lengthened the life span of those countries' natives during their misguided and oppressive years as colonizers.
Speaking of pollution ...
The people of the feces
Thanks to government programs and subsidies for sanitary facilities,
India's Development Minister predicts it will soon become rare to see his
nation's people defecating in public. "Open defecation is slowly losing its
popularity in rural India, and the government is doing all efforts to end
this for all by 2012," declares Raghuvansh Prasad Singh. He cites the
growth in the use of toilets from
Mr. Singh's rosy forecast is cast into severe doubt by a friend who recently recounted his unwilling but necessary use of Air India for a journey from Europe to the United States. While the flight attendants were going through the normal seat-belt and oxygen-mask ritual, they also advised he did not recount the exact language that passengers should use the toilet, rather than the bathroom sink, to relieve their bowels. A few hours into the flight he discovered that the bizarre and seemingly unnecessary request had been ignored!
December 7, 2006
© 2006 Douglas Olson. All rights reserved.
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