www.thornwalker.com/ditch/sally_09.htm
Sally Druthers table of contents.
Dear Nick ...
A letter from Sally
Druthers
On the "Daily lease" and rectifying the ministry's information about Strakon
June 21, 2018
Hey, lover! —
Gosh! It's been a long time!
You'll never guess what happened to make me think, "Sally, you ninny ... you've just got to write to Nick."
I'm still living at the same place, but I've got a lot more freedom now. My doctor says it's good that you and I aren't as close as we once were, but he's such a card: I know he's just joshing. Anyway I'm in a program called "Daily lease," or something. I think it means that the people who take care of me get money for letting me do work for other people.
There are a lot of girls here who are on a program like that, but most of them work at night and they bring in a lot of money. I don't know what they do, but it's not what I do.
I guess I've never told you that this place gets a lot of government money. I know you like to kid around about stuff like that, but you and I both know that if the government didn't help people — and I never forget that you're all about helping people, Nick — there wouldn't be any roads, or lighthouses, or ballparks. And airplanes would have to land in fields, and if they did it in July or August — you know, when the corn is getting high? — they'd probably crash or stall or something. And I guess schoolteachers would just have to go without lunch or breakfast and give up their cable, and there wouldn't be any libraries and no one would publish any textbooks or anything. And the restrooms would have thin icky paper. And I know you wouldn't want that, and that's how I know you just like to kid around.
Anyway, I get to work for the people who give money to this place. On their computers! You see how far I've come. It used to be that I was allowed to be on a computer only an hour or so a week, but now I get to be on one for a few hours every day! I'm doing data entry. I think that's what they call it. Anyway, there's lots of paperwork involved and I have to enter it all into forms for special websites. Well, what got me thinking of you was that your name came up. It was already there, but whoever did this job before I started got all kinds of information about you wrong, and I had to fix it. They had your address and phone number all screwed up, but now it's right. They didn't even know you live with that guy Tom. He's your cousin or something, right?
Anyway, what I wanted to tell you is how happy I am about all the changes in the news sources I'm looking at and hearing. They just keep talking about Donald Trump and calling him a liar and stuff, and you know what? I think we should all breathe a big sigh of relief. That guy who works for you thinks the worst about everybody (does he ever say anything nice about anyone?), but he's just got everything wrong.
You remember that great riddle back in the days when that scoundrel Bill Clinton was president — Q: "How can you tell when Bill Clinton is lying?" A: "His lips are moving." — that was a good one. But back then, newspeople just didn't care. They made excuses or told lies themselves just to keep that old fart Bob Dole from becoming president after he'd gone and lost the election.
But now! now they're tired of covering up for a guy just because he won a silly old election. I think they've had a real change of heart. I think they've seen what was wrong about protecting liars and they're not going to do it anymore.
You'd think people would be glad when famous people repent and reform. But nooooo. I think some of these right-wingers actually want the people who write news stories and editorials and who talk about this stuff on TV and radio to lie; I think they actually want them to keep lying and covering up for the president.
Not me. I'm glad they've reformed. Now they can have a new life full of honesty and truth. Like me. I gotta say, Nick, it really makes me feel good when I can sit at my computer and make sure all the information on it is right. I used to think it was okay to fib every now and then to my doctor, too, but you know, that's just not good for a person.
We should all tell the truth as best we can, and I think the newspeople are doing their darnedest to do just that. It can be really hard to change old habits. Or new ones. All habits are hard to change. But when you start telling the truth, you sleep better and you don't have to be scared when people start asking you lots of questions about your money and your friends.
Well, I'm preaching to the choir, aren't I. There's nothing here you don't already know yourself. But it's good to keep in touch.
How about if I send you some of these documents I work on and you can tell me if I got everything right? Like I said, it's been a looooong time, and maybe I got some things wrong.
Love,
Sally
Strakon replies, sorely tempted to resurrect COLOSSUS.
Dear Sally —
Calm blue ocean ... calm blue ocean. Ahem. Pardon me. Just had a little thing, there, for a moment.
It has been far too long since we last heard from you! I was afraid you'd been transported or translated or something.
Please don't hesitate to send those files. Mail them to the Indiana address; they will be forwarded to my actual location.
Assuming I get your Official Government Mail address, I will correct the files and send them back to you. As you suggest, I am a truth-teller, and I can give you a lot of data that you could put into those government computers. I'll bet the government people don't have anywhere near all the important details about me and my activities. For instance, do they know that "Tom" is actually my uncle Tomassino da Vinci? — you know, inventor of the steam-powered pencil sharpener? A brilliant genius. He's in a bad way now, though. I have to keep him in a room on the top floor of my treehouse in Modesto, California, where he constantly calls for soup, soup, ever more sooouuup. It's actually rather pitiful. Well, and a little scary.
You have that address in Modesto, right? Don't worry — I'll e-mail that to you.
I may as well give you another valuable and confidential mailing address right now, so you can enter it and help our government immediately:
The Guy Who Works for StrakonBut enough about all that. The major news media certainly are becoming more
c/o Mr. Elon Musk
P.O. Box 101
Marsopolis, Mars 12345
honest and objective, aren't they? As a truth-teller myself, I urge you to believe everything they say and plan your activities accordingly.Hoping that you continue to enjoy the "Daily lease" and that all your planes land safely in fields of clover,
I remain,
Your Nick Ω
June 21, 2018
Published in 2018 by WTM Enterprises.
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